


Maybe

by FreakyPseudWriter



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dorms, F/M, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Insecurity, Movie Night, Movie Reference, Reader-Insert, Self-Insert, Sleepy Cuddles, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-18 01:41:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16108130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakyPseudWriter/pseuds/FreakyPseudWriter
Summary: Being a friend is easy. Being a friend with unrequited feelings is hard. Being a friend with unrequited feelings for your best friend you know since high school and visits the same university as yourself is almost impossible.But you managed until now, smiled and grit your teeth to not destroy the friendship you have with Kakashi.But a long movie night changes everything.





	1. Twilight is the darkest hour

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little reminder, throughout the whole fic there will be a lot of movies, movie references and even a song partly cited. I have no rights over them, they don't belong to me, I only used them as hints and even tried to describe them in a way that people who haven't watched them wouldn't be spoiled.   
> I hope I did a good job at that ^^''
> 
> Otherwise, I wish all of you a lot of fun with this fic. It is finished, so I can dish out a chapter per week. So, see you next thursday! :D

“Scared” was not a word one would associate with Kakashi Hatake. Since high school, where you first met him (you two were seated right beside each other two weeks into the school year due to the inability of his previous neighbor to stop swooning), the indifferent boy who preferred to hide behind various books and listen more than talk to your circle of friends, you never saw him even once slightly startled. Maybe it was a sadistic streak which slumbered until that particular point but just _once_ you would love to see your friend simply freaked out. Hell, you would even go with slightly nervous at this point!    

That had been years ago. Years of homework and club activities, of laughter and teen drama, of friendship and move nights, of talks in the night of a sleepover or lasting marathons of text messages, of tests and exams, of high school graduation and searching for an university. The day both of you received a letter from the prestigious Konohagakure University, spelling out that both of you would get a place and accommodation, was probably the first time Kakashi actually laughed out freely, before scooping you up in a brief, but tight hug.

Unsurprisingly, every single present person saw the slight flush creeping over your neck and cheeks when Kakashi had turned away and read again over the details of his application. Everyone, from your parents to his parents to the big pack of dogs jumping full of holy excitement around you, had noticed.

Except for the guy you fell for.

Deep, hard, without a chance. Kakashi seemed to despise all the melodrama and not-so-sneaky advances of other girls, even though he could select out of a pool of the most beautiful girls. Therefore, you kept your feelings hidden, locked away, buried underneath a friendly tease whenever another victim of his mysterious charm and smooth looks tried to get closer.

Kakashi’s friendship was worth all the pain and distant longing. Under all circumstances you didn’t want to lose the boy just for a short-lived fling or even worse, for a confused glance and an amused snort. That had been the reaction to all the girls approaching him and you were horrified to receive the same reaction from your friend.

 

No, then you favored the occasional ache in your heart whenever you realized with clarity that you would never be the girl by his side. Always being the helpful friend was okay, it was fine. Better than being one of the popular girls who managed to catch Kakashi’s short-lived attention span, going out with him for one, two, at max three weeks, only to break up publicly in the cafeteria and moving on.

Being Kakashi’s friend was okay. It was fine. But for you, at the same time, it wasn’t enough. You wanted more but being rejected by the male and never speaking to him again, or even worse, feeling the distance your confession would put right between you, would be even worse than the dull pain.

And that was only high school. It got even worse when university started. Unsurprisingly, Kakashi was the rising star of the campus. A smart-ass, good and somehow exotic looks with his silver-ish, grey hair and the half-lidded bored eyes, the dimples and the small, dark beauty spot right below his lips, which moved slightly upwards whenever someone (mostly you) managed to make the man smile with a lame joke. Girls, freshmen and older ones, tried to approach Kakashi, who continued to read his book whenever one of them screeched into his ear. If someone caught his attention yet again, the same procedure of his high school-days applied. A short fling was the most the lucky girl would get. It became almost a cruel ritual for you, to meet the next dumped girl on the next day and wipe her tears away, who knew Kakashi for a week or so, then landed in his bed and was dumped after one or two months of a short honeymoon phase with a text-message ( _“Things between us don’t work anymore. I’m sorry you wasted your time on me,”_ was only one example).  

 

All of them were beautiful in their own right. And when you went home and laid in your bed, thinking about the day and reminding yourself how gorgeous that girl had looked with her mascara smudged and her red nose scrunched in a teary grimace, the ache was back, dull and still growing.

Being Kakashi’s friend was worth more than a night full of pleasure and fulfilled dreams. Logically, you _knew_ that. You knew, you knew, you _knew_ that. And still, every time the tears clouded your vision at the mere thought of never being in the place of these beautiful girls, who had at least one chance of being with him before Kakashi withdrew from any emotional intimacy.

But being only Kakashi’s friend was fine. It was okay.

_Being his friend is the only thing you can ever hope for. So, raise your chin, straighten your back and get your ass up there._

With a deep, dwelling sigh, you pushed the button for the doorbell to Kakashi’s small student-dorm, in your hand a bag with old slasher movies, some light alcohol and different healthy and definitely unhealthy snacks. You waited for a few seconds, sighed one more time out (a real deep one, coming straight from the deepest depths of your chest and released with a huge eye-roll) and pressed the button yet again, this time longer and more importantly, with more slight annoyance at the oh-so-obvious laziness oozing from the not-opening of the entrance.

 

 _“Coming, coming,”_ Kakashi’s gruff voice echoed through the speakers, all the while the clanking of the door told you that you could enter, _“No need to be so aggressive.”_

“Just making sure you didn’t forget!” you sing-songed back and kicked the door open.

Tonight was a movie night. A needed one, considering Kakashi just finished a long-term assignment which put his mind more than once through the wrangler and you, as a good student for your professors, was offered a position as a tutor for the new students in the upcoming semester. And there would be no girlfriend to deal with. For once, Kakashi had put his short-lived relationships on hold to concentrate on his scientific project for physics.

Quickly, you chased those forbidden thoughts which always followed the relief of knowing there was no one who would guide Kakashi’s attention from the movies (or you) away.

“Silly thing,” you said and started to climb to the second level, where your friend’s room was located, “Stop making up dream castles. It will never happen.”

Because being Kakashi’s friend had to be fine. It had to be okay. It had to be enough for you, once and for all.

Kakashi was already standing on the doorstep. Loose sweatpants clung to his legs and a t-shirt with the symbol of the Konohagakure University, a sterilized leaf, was proudly printed on his chest. A lopsided smile tugged at his lips when he spotted you, huffing and puffing and basically throwing the bag with the ingredients for a long movie-night into his arms.

“A “hello” to you too, (Y/N).”

“Hey. Couldn’t you open the door a little bit faster?” Teasingly, you winked at him. “I nearly froze to death. Or got captured by an evil, supernatural killer with a fire axe, a kitchen knife or a video straight out of hell.”

“Slasher movies?”

“Slasher movies.”

 

The exasperated expression on Kakashi’s features made you laugh. You knew exactly that he had been looking forward to a Marvel-movies marathon, the nerd he was. Little did he know that in the bag were also waiting the _Captain America_ DVDs and the discs for the _Avengers._ With a nonchalant gesture, you brushed past him and into his own, small flat. You knew the outlay like the back of your own hand, that’s how often you came over. The comically small living room, the big, comfy sofa crammed into one corner and the TV place at the opposite wall. The gruff carpet underneath your feet when you heeled your shoes off and the cool tiles when you walked into the kitchen to place the six-pack of cider in the old fridge. Even the slightly messy surroundings didn’t disturb you much, only the stale air made your nose wrinkle in disgust.

“Didn’t you air the rooms out again?”

Kakashi also squeezed himself into the kitchen. When he passed you by, his elbow touched the tiniest bit your upper arm. Before you knew it, you had moved your arm out of the way, while your cheeks grew suspiciously warm. Had Kakashi seen anything? Had he noticed how you felt?

No, he didn’t. His nonchalant grin was the same as always as he glanced over his shoulder and started to unpack the bag with the movies and crinkly plastic bags of snacks. “It’s not that bad. You’re just picky.”

“Picky? _Me_?” Ridiculed, you placed your hands in the crook of your hips and pouted at him. “I’m not picky, I have some living standards. In comparison to you.”

“As I said. Picky.”

“Excuse me, Kakashi. Who’s the one who cleaned after your sorry ass when your little project grew nearly over your head? Who stopped by and cooked for you when you starved yourself because you forgot to buy groceries?” You lessened the edge of the words with a small chuckle and a nod at the DVDs Kakashi just pulled out of the plastic bag. “Who’s the best friend you will ever have?”

The man raised his hands, his eyes curled into the same, lopsided smile which made your heart jump in your chest. “It’s you,” he said, “It’s totally you. Thanks for bringing also some Marvel-movies, I appreciate it greatly.”

 

You hurt yourself with every syllable of the word “friend”. That was what you were, that was everything you would ever be. Not more, not less. A friend, perfect for a movie-marathon or to care for Kakashi when he was again in the weeds, but not good enough to sleep by his side, to cuddle with him, to ease your hands through his hair and tease him with a hoarse voice. Hiding the pain from the world and the man, you strengthened the wide grin on your face until you felt like the muscles in your cheek would burst any moment.

“Otherwise, I would’ve had to listen to your whining all evening. Do you want to get the popcorn ready? I can put the first _Captain America_ in.”

Kakashi waved with the popcorn bag over his shoulder. You had to squeeze yourself past him and reach around the man to grab all the DVDs. In the movement, you accidentally brushed his flank. The tips of your fingers started to tingle at the warmth seeping through the thin clothing, worn out by too many days of wearing it and too many times it had to be washed.

“’xcuse me.” Quickly, you retreated, the DVDs in your hands and only barely you managed not to break into a bright blush when Kakashi glanced with his tired eyes at you.

Almost instantly, the male cocked his head to the side and the mole underneath his mouth lifted as the well-known lopsided smile tugged at his lips. “Why are you apologizing? Nothing happened.”

“Oh. Uhm, yeah. Right, you’re right.” Before the blush still waiting below the surface even had the chance to prey upon you, you ducked away from Kakashi’s testing stare and weaseled out of the kitchen, where you stopped to lean your suddenly hot forehead and cheeks against the cooler walls.

_Only five minutes in his flat and you’re already trying to flee? How will you convince yourself this time that the movie night was a good idea?_

_I didn’t spend a lot of time with him lately. Both of us were busy and it would be even stranger for me to not occupy him when the old idiot has some spare moments._

_Then act like you’re his friend! Act like everything is alright! Act like your heart doesn’t want to escape out of your ribcage whenever you look at him, act like his smile isn’t making you smile in return, act like you don’t care when he teases you!_

_I try. Believe me, I try._

_Try harder._

_…Yes._

 

Your heart sank low at your own thoughts. It would be hard, but not as hard as watching Kakashi kissing one of his various short-term girlfriends. Then, after a moment of blind staring at the boringly white paper walls, you picked yourself up with a shaky breath, only to force a just as shaky smile on your face.

Sure, it wasn’t easy. But you managed before to play the act of the best friend without a hitch and you wouldn’t falter after all those years. Ruining the work of decades, ripping it down without any regard for your earlier efforts and heart aches… Would be ignorant to the point of being scorching your own eyes out and cutting your tongue off without a second thought.

You listened to the beeping of the microwave and Kakashi’s absentminded humming while you turned on the TV and placed the DVD in the player. To your faint amusement, he seemed to hum a lesser known song of your favorite band and this time, the smile on your face was real while you continued to arrange everything for a calm movie night.

“Salty or sweet?” Kakashi asked.

“Do both.” you said, got up and dropped yourself with a little huff on the couch. “Sooner or later we will rip into the other sort and just stuff our faces.”

The menu of the movie popped up and the heroic music started to float through the air. With a little huff, you propped yourself up and opened the small window right beside the TV, sighing in relief when you felt the cool rush of air into the stuffy room.

Kakashi’s steps in your back warned you just in time before the male had a chance to sneak up on you. You glared at him playfully, at which he shrugged with a telling sparkle in his eyes.

“Can’t blame me for trying,” he said. Then, with a look at the open window and the mere, flimsy t-shirt you wore, he nodded into the direction of his bedroom. “I get a blanket. Wait a sec.”

 

Not only Kakashi returned with one of the fluffy blankets you dumped on him as a Christmas present, in his arms was also a variety of pillows, ranging from small ones to stuff into your back or to knead while the murderer creeped up on his next victim, but also big ones which you knew were his to sleep on when you spotted the various silverfish-grey strands clinging to them.

“Thanks,” you murmured and grabbed a small pillow, avoiding the big one like disease clung to the fabric, “Your brain is working perfectly like always.”

Another lopsided smile and with a little huff, Kakashi dropped onto the couch only to spread and stretch like an overgrown cat. “No worries,” he waved at you and pulled in the same motion one edge of the blanket over his lap, “Just let’s get it started. The sooner we finish the first _Captain America_ , the sooner we can enjoy the second one.”

“True, true. But what makes you think we will not continue with _The Ring_ when we finished your movie, hm?”

“For the sake of continuation, (Y/N)! We can’t just watch the first one and then drop the theme basically in the middle!”

“You forget, mon ami,” casually you took the remote and started the movie, before shuffling away under the majority of the blanket, “that, for the sake of continuation, we had to watch the first _Avengers_ before getting to _The Winter Soldier_. Because timeline, you know?”

The first scene started and while your banter was still going on, the Nazi commander Schmidt bulldozed through the Norwegian church in search for the Tesseract.

 

Both of you had watched all the Marvel-movies to the extent to being able to continue the banter throughout the whole plot, only disturbed by some jokes about the execution of some lines (“30%? 30% of what exactly? Hubba bubba gum? Honestly, it sounds so ominous and yet could mean anything! They could shoot literally puppies at him! 30% of puppies sounds so much better, don’t you think?”) or your unashamed ogling at the infamous abs of a transformed Captain America.

“You have to agree,” you waved at the screen where Agent Carter was in the same predicament as you, “He’s goddamn gorgeous now.”

Kakashi grumped while shuffling through the bowl with salty popcorn. “Everyone would look gorgeous when his head isn’t CGI-ed on a children’s body any longer.”

“Aw, are you moody now?” When your friend glanced at you, the eyebrows wrinkled in badly hidden annoyance, you stuck your tongue out. “You’re just jealous Captain America has the better six-pack.” Satisfied that you won the little dispute, you stood up and brushed past Kakashi’s long legs. “Want a beer? Cider, possibly?”

You didn’t wait for an answer. You knew Kakashi preferred at first one or two beers, drinking very slowly and occasionally and went afterwards, with a little buzz going, with the slightly sweet ciders. The cool air of the refrigerator cooled your heated-up cheeks and you enjoyed the fresh breeze for a few more seconds, before grabbing a beer and a cider and walking back, the swing in your steps only stopping when you caught sight of Kakashi on the couch.

 

Not much had changed in the few seconds you needed to grab the drinks. The movie was still running, explosions and cars flying over the screen. The nest of pillows and blankets hadn’t moved and Kakashi was still sitting on his spot. Not much had changed, except for the state Kakashi was in.

The man had raised the rim of the blanket pooling in his lap altogether with the hems of his shirt. His black eyes were directed at his stomach, which was certainly not ripped like the six-pack which Captain America spotted but… Well, your previously cool face was definitely blushing when your own eyes followed the lines of a definitely developed and lithe body middle up to the edges of an equally fit and trained chest. Not overly muscular, more like the body of a swimmer and definitely not like the body of a physician one would picture when hearing about Kakashi’s main courses.

Unnoticed, you continued to stare at Kakashi, who paid no more attention to the movie, but instead poked his abs, before glancing at the screen again and scowling slightly while Captain America fought some Nazi’s. His eyebrows furrowed and when a pout came to life on his face, the bottom lip jutting out and obviously miffed with your earlier comment, your heart started to pound louder and louder until it felt like it would try to jump straight out of your throat any moment.

_This is seriously… too cute. Too cute for my poor, poor heart._

_Stop blushing, come on, stop blushing!_

_Calm down, one breath in, two breaths out. Come on, calm down!_

One breath in, two breaths out. Then, with a grin on your lips which hopefully didn’t betray one bit your feelings, you threw yourself on the couch. “What’cha doing there? Did my statement hurt your gigantic ego or what?”

 

Like a flash, the glimpse of pale skin vanished again and the bored, black eyes were set on the two bottles in your hands, before Kakashi looked into your face. His eyes caught yours and held them.

And held them for a little bit longer than appropriate. And then, the seconds stretched and stretched longer, until Kakashi finally looked again at the drinks and smiled the same lopsided smile which you fell in love with. “You know me too well.”

A slightly flustered laugh made its way out of your lungs, vibrating in the air and sounding terribly nervous in your ears. “How long has it been now since we’ve been friends? Seven, eight years?”

“Seven years and a few months.” he instantly replied and finally his eyes turned again to the screen, where the brave Captain America was about to enter the plane of the Red Skull to stop him from destroying the earth. You joined with a sip from your cider and quietly watched how the fictional character kicked ass on screen, while your consciousness kicked your butt for being so goddamn obvious.

“Seven years… Huh?” you mumbled quietly.

Beside you, Kakashi nodded slowly. His eyes were glued to the screen, but his fingers kneaded the small pillow he had placed in his lap, fiddling with the edges and letting the tips of them run over the different threads and wrinkles. “Seven years. Since the first year of high school.”

“Was a wild ride until now, huh?”

“Certainly.”

“Do you remember the one time we messed up the whole chemistry lesson?”

“Never knew acid and water could have such an aggressive reaction.”

At that, the relieved giggle at the earlier strange atmosphere floated through the air. “You knew! We all knew!”

Kakashi shrugged nonchalantly, all the while following the brave fictional character how he had to sacrifice himself in order to save the world. “The teacher should’ve supervised us closer than he did. Not our fault his book seemed more interesting.”

“You always had a thing for punishing the mistakes of our poor, poor teachers. I should’ve stopped you, as the older one.”

 

Kakashi shrugged once more, this time was a light smile splayed across his features, which scrunched the tip of his nose in such a cute way upwards, that you could feel your heart aching the tiniest bit. He sent a closed-eyed grin your way and the ache grew into a bright fire when the short image of him doing the exact same smile while resting by your side in his bed flashed through your head. “Only a few months and it’s not my fault you’re too easy to persuade. If I remember correctly, you were more than willing to join my shenanigans.”

“True.” Relaxed, you sunk deeper into the cushions and watched the last bits of the movie, playing nimbly with the bottle of cider in your hands. Under the blanket, Kakashi’s legs twitched, moved and slid in the motion a little bit closer to yours. Sneakily, you slid a little bit away, trying to make it casually and totally not like you wanted to escape the tempting warmth which creeped into your skin at the close proximity. “Or do you remember the graduation ball? How drunk Obito got after sipping only at the prepared drinks?”

Kakashi snorted. “Yes. He barfed over my shoes. Hard to forget that.”

“He apologized.”

“Hm.”

“And don’t forget,” the sharp pierce in your heart nearly stole the next words from your tongue, “your date didn’t care about the puke on your shoes.”

That had been the most beautiful girl throughout all your classes. Long, raven hair, gorgeous green eyes and a figure to kill for. The wet dream of every boy your age and she had been the one to approach Kakashi and ask for a date to the prom. He accepted in his usual relaxed and casual manner, grunting more than anything else and his nose burrowed in a book. Hours later, you should add, after you cheered him on and congratulated him in such a false and faked manner that you even thought for a second Kakashi found out about your true feelings. He had blinked in slight confusion, before snapping his lecture shut and sighing deeply, before turning around and giving a short nod to the girl, who broke into a bright but appealing blush.

 

You were ripped out of your memories when the Kakashi from today grunted and stood up, his edge of the blanket sailing to the ground. For a second, he stretched and a cute mewl escaped his mouth as some of his bones popped loudly in the sudden silence. “She was annoying. Couldn’t shut up all evening. Fawned too much over me,” he said after his arms dropped again to his sides. Then, his black eyes turned to you. “And she didn’t react to the puke because she was too busy gossiping about Obito and you.”

_Oh. Ooh._

You remembered that evening with a clarity which pained you still, after all those years. You and Obito were sitting in a dark corner and you had tried to care for your drunk friend a little bit. After all, you had no date to care for and neither did he. The corner was just right to sneakily watch Kakashi and his date, how they swayed slowly over the dancefloor and looked that beautiful that your heart felt like shattering and breaking apart over and over. Then, the girl had whispered something into Kakashi’s face, at which he stilled, only to suddenly drop her hand like a hot potato and leave her without another word, sitting down beside you and Obito and tugging a slim book out of the vest of his suit.

To say you were relieved to the point of throwing a bright smile at Kakashi, would’ve been an understatement. The fact that his thigh brushed against yours, only parted by the thin fabric of his dress pants and the silky dress you had selected to hide some of your problem zones, didn’t help either.

 

“So,” your voice was too hoarse, you knew, but you also didn’t care, “you dropped her because you couldn’t stand her gossiping?”

The man nodded slowly, then cocked his head. “And because she smelled like a whole flower shop during spring. You know I have a sensitive nose. I had to keep myself from sneezing right into her face all the time.”

The last bits of the foul taste on your tongue vanished when you heard that cheeky statement and the laughter rolling from your tongue was light and honest, while Kakashi walked over to the TV and switched DVDs. “Her scent, hm? You’re really like a dog.”

“Hm. Be careful with cheese around me.”

“I will try.” A first yawn crawled out of your chest. The first hours in Kakashi’s presence were the worst. You had to tell yourself constantly that you had to act like a friend, your nerves were strained from the fear of being discovered and every time Kakashi was only distantly close, you would flinch away. Now, two hours into your visit, the tension slowly faded into the simple enjoyment of his presence, the easy banter and the friendly teasing and reminiscing over the good old times.

Now, you actually could relax and relaxed, you watched Kakashi how he straightened, stretched one more time -your eyes were traitors, falling on the small sliver of skin which was revealed of his lower back- and turned, the blue light of the screen illuminating his silhouette in a rather appealing way. “Alright,” he said, “time to order some pizza, don’t you think?”

You snorted. “Really? And what about the oh so dangerous cheese?”

“I can scrape it down, or even better, order a pizza without cheese.”

“Then it’s not a pizza. It’s a bread with tomatoes and pepperoni.”

He shrugged and tucked his smartphone out of his sweatpants, before dropping heavily on the spot beside yours. Was it only your imagination or was he closer to you than before?

 

“What do you want?” he asked absentmindedly while his thumb quickly scrolled through the different kinds of pizza. “There are some specials which could be quite nice.”

“Show me.” you said and slid the tiniest bit over.

What you didn’t expect was Kakashi edging even closer than that and some of his grey hair brushing against your forehead as he extended his arm towards you. His shoulder bumped into yours and stayed almost uncomfortable close, the heat of a big, muscled body seeping into your own skin made you wanting to hug him even closer than that, while the rational part of your brain screamed in panic at the indecent and borderline dangerous thoughts. The scent of the man, a little bit musky, a little bit spicy, but mostly so utterly like _Kakashi_ and _home_ crashed into you and you had to keep yourself from leaning forward and burying your nose into his hair.

His thumb swiped again over the screen of the phone and quickly, you concentrated again on the matter at hand. “Here, that one looks quite good. What do you think?”

“Sure,” you choked and hastily retreated before you could reveal yourself, “it does. You know what I like.”

“Finally, seven years of friendship were not wasted.” With a wink, Kakashi leaned backwards and started to order with more swipes of his fingers, while you sneakily raised your hand to cover your quickly beating heart. You shouldn’t allow your guard to drop that fast, after all. In your mind, Kakashi was infamous for his sneak-attacks on your poor, already cracking heart.

_Okay, no more closeness. I have to cut it out to function properly._

Carefully, you inched away from the lump curled up underneath the warm blanket and tried to concentrate on the screen, where a girl in a white dress and with her black, wet hair hanging in front of her rotten face crawled out of the TV.

“What about the sake of the continuation?” you asked.

Kakashi shrugged and angled for the remote, his half-lidded eyes already set on the moving pictures, but with a telltale tug playing around the corners of his mouth which told you he enjoyed the sudden attention you gave him. “I need something to unwind a bit before dealing with the masterpiece coming afterwards.”

“We still have to watch _Avengers_ before we can even attempt to think about _The Winter Soldier_.”

 

He shrugged and started the movie. “Then, we should better get going. Besides,” suddenly, Kakashi turned his head and in the dim, glimmering light you would swear he winked playfully at you, “when the pizza-delivery man comes and sees you with a horror movie playing, all hurdled up and whimpering from time to time, he will totally think I’m going to get laid tonight. Netflix and chill, you know?”

To say your heart skipped a beat at the brash innuendo would be an understatement. You were just taking a sip from your cider. When Kakashi finished his sentence, both of his eyes creased in a lopsided grin, the alcohol went the wrong way. Choking and coughing, you bend forward, gasping for air and nearly jerking away from the strong hand which tried to help you by hitting the middle of your upper back.

“Everything alright?” Kakashi’s concerned ask and the warm hand between your shoulder blades, slowly sliding up and down like he tried to sooth you through the last waves of your coughing. “Please don’t die on my couch.”

Tiredly, you smiled at him. “I appreciate your concern for my health, you troll. But dying is still my responsibility, not yours.”

“I mean, as long as you don’t make any ugly spots into the fabric, I can still sell it when I move out here.”

“Good to know the state of your couch is more important than me.” With a shake of your head, you gently brushed his hand off and ignored the resisting tingle on your back in the shape of Kakashi’s hand. “Just let me die in peace and watch _The Ring_ for me, alright?”

Another concerned look and Kakashi shook simply his head. “Nope,” he said, “that won’t do.”

“What will?”

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, I am now. Please, let’s just watch the movie, alright?” You rolled your eyes at his suddenly almost overprotective and caring attitude, considering Kakashi could be the most non-caring asshole you knew and waved nonchalantly at the screen. “Otherwise, I can’t watch all those dumb people die in peace. I mean, every single one gets the warning not to watch this stupid tape. And what do all of them like clueless lemmings? Watch it.”

 

Determined to ignore the fluttering of your heart at your friend’s questions, you turned towards the TV and stared blankly at the next horrified murder victim, killed by a cursed child. Still, you could feel the path of Kakashi’s eyes like tongues of fire licking over your skin. They lingered on the side of your face, dropped lower over your neck and shoulders. Your shirt was the tiniest bit askew and self-consciously, you tucked the fabric again into the right position until it covered the collarbone completely again.

You didn’t care that it was a bit strange for a friend to be that clammed up. It was about creating barriers, protective shield and walls between you and Kakashi, between you and the strange churning of your stomach and the aching jump of your heart, between you and the goddamn love you felt for him.

Quickly, you bit into your bottom lip before any sign of your inner conflict could show on your face. Kakashi was still staring and the man saw everything he wanted to see and nothing he should see.

_Like the feelings I harbor for him._

“Do you want to watch the movie or just stare at me?” A weak smile tugged at the corner of your lips. Kakashi flinched like he received an electrical shock from the tease and finally, his eyes left your silhouette alone. The deep sigh you held now for several minutes was released into the room. A small puff of stale air, such a big impact on your mood. It lightened a bit, the strain on your nerves becoming a bit softer, the dent in the happiness of being with Kakashi being a little bit less prominent.

The rest of _The Ring_ went by like the blink of an eye. Silently, both of you munched on some popcorn while staring at the screen, where the cursed girl continued to slaughter her way through the cast, until the clever reporter found a way to survive and save her nephew. The movie wasn’t too scary, no real jump-scares or any real shockers, therefore, you continued to relax more and more into the couch, lulled by the warmth of the blanket and the presence of your friend by your side.

 

Just when the credits started to crawl over the screen, the doorbell rang throughout the flat. Kakashi and you perked upwards, glanced at each other at the disheveled state of your hair, chuckled in unison, then the man nodded towards the kitchen. “I will pay. You already got all the other stuff.”

“Alright. No arguing with that.” Grunting lowly, you tried to stand up, knocking slightly against the table right beside the couch.

Kakashi watched how you staggered around, yawning and stretching your arms above your head, all the while a little smile tugged at the left corner of his lips. Cool air tickled your stomach and lazily, you scratched the patch of bare skin showing. You caught him staring at you, just when you lowered your arms and the hem of your shirt slid back over the small strip of revelation.

“What’cha looking at?”

Strangely, Kakashi didn’t answer. Only a shake of his head and an even stranger, confused smile thrown into your direction, before he hurried to the door and left you slightly flabbergasted behind.

What was wrong today? Quickly, you shook your head from side to side, until your mind swam in the harsh motion. First, it was you who acted strange, okay. True, point taken, check. But now, Kakashi was acting strange. Staring at your bare stomach, being unusually silent, hell, staring at you and seeking more contact than usually. Everything was strange today.

 _That has to stop. This here, this fucking…_ thing _has to stop._

Faintly, you could hear Kakashi talking to the delivery man and the rustle of bills. Nothing out of the ordinary. The scent of pizza whiffed through the air and unconsciously, you breathed deeply in. Savoring the cheese and pepperoni, the heavenly combination of crispy crust and tomato sauce, you closed your eyes for a second, before opening them again and starting to pace around the living room, the arms crossed over your chest.

 

Yes, yes, this evening was strange. Today felt strange. Because you made it strange. You managed to play the role of the caring best friend of Kakashi before, why not today? Maybe it was the fact that since university started, you didn’t hang out completely alone. Learning meetings would be held in an equally full library, group meetings would be held in a group of friends and more often than not, Kakashi was on top of that in a relationship with a clingy and annoyingly giggly girl, which was hanging off his arm at any other chance you would have to meet him.

You wouldn’t fuck this up. You wouldn’t destroy your friendship with the little physics-prodigy not by being too awkward, too confused and too awkward in general. Time to return to your old behaviors and to the casual, but close friendship you had before. And Kakashi, snuggling into you and searching for some physical contact? Hell, due to you retreating from him and his latest relationship ending abruptly, he was probably touch-starved as fuck. And knowing you would easily give him some friendly snuggles, Kakashi probably tried to be nonchalant about his situation and decided to be “stealthy”. Not that it worked.

Time to return to the uncomplicated relationship you had with him.

Not love-relationship. Just a good, old friend-relationship, just two friends hanging out and enjoying horror movies and some nerdy flicks, nothing else.

_Yeah, sure. Get your head out of your ass. Today is doomed._

Grinning lowly, you turned around and fixated the hallway, where Kakashi just said his goodbye to the delivery man, balancing in his hands two pizza boxes and an annoyed expression on his face.

“Okay…” you said as he stomped past you, “What happened? Was he rude? Did he complain?”

But Kakashi only grunted lowly, before dropping the pizza on the coffee table and rushing again past you into the kitchen, where he rummaged loudly and obviously pissed through the cabinets on the hunt for something only he knew.

 

You hesitated for a split second, before you stuck your head into the small room. There he was, bend over the kitchen counter, his hands pressed to the smooth top like he wanted to sink the palms into the massive furniture. From your point of view, you could only see how his shoulders flared the tiniest bit, drawn up in whatever emotion Kakashi was feeling at the moment and how his long, powerful fingers cramped, like they wanted to clamp down on something but quite couldn’t.

Carefully and silent, you stepped onto the tiles. Your feet made no sound when you walked over. Only Kakashi’s suddenly ragged breathing thundered through the heavy silence.

“Hey.” Just as slowly, you reached out and placed your own hand right between Kakashi’s shoulder blades. You could feel the muscles contract and twitch at the cautious touch and you tried to ignore the warmth spreading through your veins when he didn’t flinch away. “What happened? Did he say something?”

Kakashi didn’t react at first. Blindly staring at the kitchen counter, his jaw worked, forming words and never quite uttering them. Only when you started to rub his back with sluggish, big circles, the man relaxed a bit and raised his head, even though his eyes were still shadowed by the silver-ish hair falling into his forehead.

“Yeah. He said something.”

“And what exactly?”

“…”

“Come on, Kakashi. It can’t be that bad.”

More teeth-clenching and more clawing into the hard surface of the counter.

With all the gentleness you could muster, you pulled at the back of his shirt, trying to turn Kakashi to face you properly. “I’m sure, it’s nothing big. What did he say? Complained about the tip? Did he spit into our food? Wait, no! He stepped on your foot, right?”

 

Suddenly, Kakashi snapped. Hissing lowly in the anger which wasn’t directed at you, he turned and surged forward, crossing the little bit of distance between you and him. Before you could do more than squeal in shock, his arms were wrapped around your shoulders and Kakashi’s face was pressing into the nape of your neck, all the while he mumbled out what disgruntled him to this point. “He said something,” Kakashi inched closer, his breath crashing into your colder skin, “Something really inappropriate about you.” Another ragged breath in. “I didn’t like it.”

His words were a faint mumble in the back of your head. Distantly, you recognized them, you were aware of them, knew what your friend just said. But foremost, you were fixated on Kakashi’s body flushed to your own, the hard chest pressed to yours, the calves trembling against your legs and the arms tightening slightly around your shoulders like constricting yet gentle snakes.

“Inappropriate?” you echoed. “How inappropriate?”

A hot huff was breathed into the nape of your neck. “Really. A lot. Highly. Didn’t like it.”

“Come on, Kakashi. I’m a big girl and can handle someone staring at my ass and saying that he wants to tap that.” Finally, you raised your trembling hands and hugged your friend back. A sigh escaped you, but the sigh wasn’t as big as Kakashi’s when he felt your hands on his back. Like an overgrown cat, the man almost arched into the touch, the satisfied, low grumble rummaging through his far too close chest reminding you also about said animal.

 

Suspicions confirmed. Kakashi really was touch starved. Even though he didn’t want to show it, the male loved to be hugged and touched by people he liked. Once you had found out, you used every possible chance to grant him access to some personal attention and Kakashi willingly seized every single one. If now sitting side by side in one of the popular booths of the library and learning silently, if now eating in the university cafeteria and your knees touching from time to time, your feet brushing against each other or if now hugging. Every time you touched, you were glad to be able to do this for him, even though your heart was howling in pain whenever you had to part.

When Kakashi had a girl at his side who would take over that part of his life, you were also breaking inside, seeing them exchanging casual intimacy. Any kind, from holding hands to the cute forehead kisses Kakashi seemed to particularly like to give his current relationship. Alone at the thought of receiving just _one_ of the forehead kisses made your mind slightly spin and a pleasant warmth spread through your stomach. Or even better than that, a real kiss, lips on lips, sliding against each other and tongues softly meeting…

“Still.” Kakashi grumped and once more tightened his hold around your body, what made you fall out of your cloud castles. Insecure, but with growing confidence you started to wiggle out of his embrace. Only, if you could. He was like a persistent snake who had caught his prey in his choking grip and wouldn’t let go, no matter if now rain or hail came down.

Apparently, his touch starvation was pretty severe by now, when he clung to you like this.

That meant one thing. Waiting the hug out and trying to calm yourself down, even though the physical proximity to your love interest made your heart pound louder and louder in your chest.

 

_Then, I can just enjoy it as long as I can. Who knows when Kakashi will have such a vulnerable moment again._

With a huff which signed your defeat to the comfortable situation, you snuggled closer to Kakashi, burying your nose in the nape of his shoulder and closing your eyes. He noticed your giving in and the low chuckle vibrating through his body echoed in yours too.

“What?” you mumbled into his shirt.

“Nothing.” Kakashi instantly mumbled back. His breath fanned over the bare skin of your neck. His nose kept on bumping gently against the sensitive skin there, stroked up and down the side and followed the line of the artery running below the surface. Up and down, rubbing his nose against you like the big, clueless cat he was on the inside.

Unaware of the feelings you harbored for him. Unaware of the deep, gushing wound in your heart, of the ache and tug into his direction, of the despair and knowledge he would never look at you this way.

Your jaw locked in place. Even though Kakashi didn’t mean it, he was unintentionally cruel. Cruel because his actions caused you to have tiny spark of silly hope, always ready to diminish and yet also stubbornly staying alive, no matter what you tried to tell yourself. And the ache grew bigger with every second, stronger and meaner until the unanswered feelings clawed and ripped at your poor, abused heart until you couldn’t take the overbearing warmth of Kakashi any longer.

“There, there.” You loosened your hold at his shirt and instead slipped your hands between your bodies. “Come on, big boy. I will survive and you will too. After all, he didn’t lust after your ass, hm?”

Kakashi only grunted lowly. A little push, to get him off your chest. No reaction whatsoever from him. You tried again, this time a little harder and blushed at the feeling of his pectoral muscles twitching at your cautious touch.

“Kakashi,” you said, “Please. Let go.”

You had to force the words out, when all you wanted to was plead him to continue hugging you close and foremost, mean it romantically and not platonically. But no matter what, it wouldn’t happen. So, you pushed one last time, while your heart screamed and raged around, howled for Kakashi’s arms slung around your shoulders and his nose pressing against your neck, while you smiled up to your friend, eyes closed in a faked expression of happy nonchalance. “The pizza will get cold otherwise. Come on, I’m starving!”

In reality, your throat felt too tight to even consider swallowing only a single bite of the deliciously smelling food. But still, the show had to go on.

For the sake of your friendship.


	2. Midnight, the magical hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At first, you thought you had no chance with Kakashi. But apparently, something is in the air and makes your friend show more of his usually hidden feelings, what lets your inhibitions fall in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day early, because I can't wait any longer ;)

The ache in your chest hadn’t completely vanished when you sat down and started to shove a piece of pizza into your mouth, not acknowledging one bit the different ingredients which played together to create a wonderful taste. No, you needed a muzzle. Otherwise, those goddamn tempting three, little words would spill from your lips and destroy everything you worked so hard for. Your eyes were steadily trained on the TV-screen, where the next menu of the _Avengers_ brightly shined its heroic light upon the scenery.

Still, you could never miss the exact moment Kakashi joined you again. With a heavy sigh, he plopped down on the couch, much closer than before. Before, there had been at least a meter between you and his tempting warmth, but now, you were pretty sure the grey-haired man had slid closer. You were curled up, legs drawn underneath your body and only lazily covered by a thin blanket. Therefore, when Kakashi inched a little bit closer, stretching his limbs like a cat into all directions, his own feet touching a sliver of your uncovered toes, lingering there, accidentally touching you and sending godly shivers down your spine, a piece of your pizza got stuck in your throat. For some terrible, long seconds there was only the tightening of your throat around the blockade, then the real pain started. Weaving and choking, you bent over, coughing already in between the desperate huffs for air and the tears blinding your vision.

Then, there was a single strong hand on your back, patting and stroking to soothe the almost aching coughing and retching. Warmth tingled on your skin, like little flashes of soft lightning flickering right in Kakashi’s hands and jumped over the very moment he laid a hand on you. A goddamn single hand made you nearly moan and blush.

God, you were in way too deep.

 

“Better?” Even his voice was a temptation in itself. Usually, you were able to ignore that, but now, with Kakashi leaning way too close for your personal comfort and tone lowered to the point where it was almost a whisper but not _quite_ , you could feel the blood thundering in your ears and a telltale heat crawling into your neck.

“Yeah, yeah,” you mumbled and shrugged weakly. “All good. No worries, there will be no blood on your couch.”

“The couch is the least of my worries.”

“The blanket then?”

“(Y/N).” Kakashi sighed in exasperation. “Are you fine?”

Sure, his voice seemed uninterested and flat to most people. But to you, who spent more than a decade with antics and masks and facades he put up to avoid being social, you just knew that the silver-haired man was deeply worried. How cute. How sweet. Your heart fluttered the tiniest bit, at least you tried to tell that yourself while the goddamn thing nearly jumped into your throat when the little wrinkle over Kakashi’s left eyebrow deepened.

Acting like it never happened was harder than you thought. But with a tiny shrug, what caused his hand which still laid in your back to slide a tad bit deeper, right below your shoulder blades, you answered as jokingly as possible and yet, you couldn’t really ban the special, traitorous rasp out of your voice. “Yes, I’m fine, silly. Totally fine, a 100, no. A 1000% fine and alright, alright? Can we just watch the movie? I’m excited to see Loki and his decisive “not a good” plan in action.”

Flustered and still trying to hide it behind the armor of bad jokes, you bit into the next piece of pizza, blocking every other attempt of Kakashi asking for your state of health. You could feel his eyes on your figure while you stared at the screen and you couldn’t be more grateful when the man sighed weakly while fiddling with the remote. Finally, his measuring stare and far too sharp vision was set on something else.

 

_…But I want him to look at me._

_No. No, you don’t. Otherwise, he would avoid you completely sooner or later._

You were faintly surprised, even suspicious when Kakashi didn’t mention your strange behavior. Hell, he seemed to completely forget about it as soon as the movie started and Loki went berserk with his glowing scepter of brainwashing. For the first thirty minutes, you analyzed your own doings and words since you entered his household. After that, you replayed the little talk in the kitchen over and over, going through every little motion and every little hesitant touch you two shared under the too tight cloak of friendship. Wasn’t there… Didn’t Kakashi…? No. No, not really.

But, your brain chimed in, with every other person, you would instantly suspect deeper feelings than friendship. After such a long hug and such an extreme reaction to the muttered comment of a random delivery boy with any other person besides the secretive Kakashi and his countless masks and walls, you would have questioned the emotions of literally _any other_ friend.

 _Any other friend_ than _Kakashi._

Suddenly, your heart picked up the pace. Fast and unforgiving, relentless it pounded against your ribs and your hand fluttered without your command upwards to press your palm over the beating organ. What if Kakashi didn’t differ that much from other friends? What if in your mind, he was unreachable, but you weren’t unreachable in his?

What if… What if Kakashi harbored at least some of the soft feelings you had for him?

Unless all the other times you had these fantasies, you didn’t suppress them. Now, you allowed them to swarm your mind and fill your body with the precious tingles you craved for whenever you were physically close to your best friend.

 

What if your helpless love wasn’t one-sided? What if Kakashi returned your feelings with the same hopeless attitude you spotted for the last years? What if he had also been broken at the sight of you dating occasionally a nice guy and cheering inwardly when you would break up after a few months?

Yeah, what if?

 _What if._ Those dangerous, little yet almighty words. When they echoed in your mind, you could feel the hope rising again, mightier and stronger than ever before. The bubbly feeling made you slightly lightheaded, like you had drunken slightly too many beers to be completely rational and sober. _What if._

The brave part of your brain took over the reigns of your body for a second. And that second was enough. Gently, but still hesitating with every muscle, you slid closer to Kakashi. Your feet touched his calves and slid right underneath, wiggling and nestling into the comfortable, warm space. His legs stilled, strained, only to relax noticeably. Encouraged by the quiet acceptance, you slid even closer to Kakashi, until your hip bumped into his.

You looked up, only to meet an amused pair of eyes and his special grin which send every time butterflies into your stomach. One corner of Kakashi’s mouth twitched upwards, the side where the beauty mark was curled the slightest bit and together with the cocked eyebrows and the special twinkle in his eyes, you could easily envision Kakashi as the devil’s advocate. A really cute, devilish handsome devil’s advocate.

“What’s happening here?” he asked and acted suspiciously innocent. “Some snuggling? Some cuddling? Why so suddenly?”

You fell back on the cheapest lie in the history of people secretly in love with their best friends. “I think I drank my beer a bit too fast,” you mumbled and felt how the embarrassment painted your cheeks in a bright red. “’M feeling a bit dizzy.”

In the back of your head you noticed that the Avengers started to assemble, Kakashi’s favorite part about that particular movie. Nevertheless, he gave all of his attention to you, the same, unwavering cocky grin still in full view of your helpless eyes.

 

“Mhmm? Too much alcohol? And it’s only eight. What are we going to do with you?”

“Dunno. Maybe let me nap the blur off a bit?”

“You’re talking nonsense. How will you watch all the horror movies you carried all the way here?”

“With my eyes closed.” You joked and listened how Kakashi laughed at your silly joke. His chest vibrated and following the strange, courageous instinct a little bit further, you dropped your head onto his shoulder, vibrating and shaking from his laughter. When you were flushed against the man, you closed your eyes and tried to calm your loudly beating heart with the fact that he didn’t flinch away or tried to shove you off. It was alright, still in the boundaries of being friends, but with the big potential for… _more_.

But did he notice that too? That this gentle _cuddle_ could be the indifferent and close searching for warmth between comfortable and secure friends or the heated cuddling between not yet lovers, but not just friends? Obviously. Kakashi always noticed everything. His hawk eyes were always the first to spot a mistake in a physical equitation. He would be the first to see the small details in the body language of one of your friends, and the first one to point out the incoming of their new crushes. He noticed when you were down and what you needed to hear to feel better again. There was no way your friend didn’t notice your strange behavior today.

But possibly he didn’t realize what the reason behind your antics were?

You betted on that. Yawning widely, you snuggled closer to Kakashi, now losing all of your inhibitions. You relished in the knowledge he wouldn’t push you away. No, Kakashi seemed to enjoy the cuddling as much as you did, measured at the crinkled eyes and the sly smile on his face.

 

“What?” you grumped into his shoulder. Your eyes were halfway closed and the flickering of the TV-screen together with the faint sounds of an epic dialogue between Director Fury and the future Avengers did the rest. Sleepiness creeped up on you with the might of the ocean and for the first time, you cuddled with Kakashi over an extended amount of time.

It felt fantastic. Simply amazing. Safe.

Kakashi’s chuckle vibrated through his chest and also through yours in the process. “Oh, just enjoying your sleepy face. It’s cute. Just like you.”

“What the fuck is cute about me?”

“Well,” he mused, “for starters, your voice. Grumpy as fuck, a little bit slurred and still incredibly pleasant. You know, I always think you would be a great singer.”

“Until I start to sing.”

“Until you start to sing.” A hand prodded your side and weakly, you tried to squirm away. “The torture. The sheer misery of listening to your cat-like screeching.”

“Not that bad.” You mumbled and yawned again. A patch of Kakashi’s shirt stuck to your lips before you pursed them to lose the contact. It didn’t stop you from flushing your whole body to his flank, however. “My singing isn’t that bad.”

A shrug run through him. “Okay, maybe I over exaggerated a bit here. Only to get my point across, of course. Wanna know what’s also cute about you?”

“Sure.” You tried to play it cool, but the heat rising into your head told another story. “Go on. I’m listening and ready to laugh.”

“Oh, if you laugh,” with a little grunt, Kakashi squeezed an arm around your waist, trapped between your body and the backrest of the couch, what made you blush even harder in return, “I will continue to recall all the times you saved my ass with your cooking and wise words. Those were really serious situations, okay?”

He fell silent after that, enraptured by the movie, but you in comparison were incredibly tense all of a sudden. His arm around your waist was hot and strong, the shoulder you leaned against warm and safe and the flank pressing into your side was supportive and breathing calmly against yours, while you tried to maintain an at least halfway calm breathing rhythm.

 

Maybe Kakashi was a tad bit _too_ close. _Too_ close for comfort, _too_ close for your poor heart, _too_ carefree with the body contact than you could handle. But when you tried to wriggle free, you found yourself effectively trapped by the very same man who smiled oh so innocently when you cracked your eyes open to glare through lidded eyes at him.

“What now?” Kakashi asked and smirked when you only grumped in response. “You were the one who wanted to cuddle in the first place. I’m only adjusting to your wishes.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to take me hostage.”

“You’re obviously not sane. I mean, movie night with some pizza, beer and cider and a hot hunk on top of that…”

“Who the fuck called you a ‘hot hunk’?”

He shrugged. “One of the girls at the uni. I was only passing by and overheard the totally whispered and not at all secret conversation of three girls from my theoretical physics course.”

Wrinkles appeared on your forehead. “What did they say?”

“Mostly three things. That I’m a ‘hot hunk’,” Kakashi raised his free hand to do the omnipotent sign for quotation marks, “that they would love to have at least one night with me and that the pants I wore that special day made my bum look even better than usual. Thanks, by the way.”

“No problem.” Aaaah, yes. The dreaded pants-dilemma. “Good to know you wear them sometimes.”

One week into college, Kakashi had faced a terrible problem. The laundry machine in the basement of his dorm. At first, he claimed to be fine and able to handle the old monster with ease, only to call you two hours later and ask in a very quiet and defeated voice to go shopping with him. Obviously, you had tried to get the story out of him, but as much as Kakashi opened up to you, that part of his disgraceful history of handling his every day-life he kept hidden like a leprechaun his gold.

 

Disgruntled beyond imagination, he had shoved you into the next best bus towards the center of Konohagakure, where a big mall waited to be entered. You snorted when you remembered the pure disdain and hatred in Kakashi’s face when his ears were assaulted by the terribly cheerful music, the voices and the chit-chattering workers flocking him in the changing rooms whenever he tugged the curtains closed with a bunch of pants thrown over his arm. For you, it had been a delight to watch your friend try one pair of jeans after another, one more horrible than the other. Despite popular belief, Kakashi didn’t care about the current fashion at all. The only reason he was only decently clothed and didn’t walk around all day like an unwashed hobo was you.

Hours over hours, you two spent in the mall. With every wasted minute, Kakashi became grumpier and more silent, until the only answers you would receive whenever you asked a question were single grunts and occasionally, even a sharp “I don’t know”. That was the point where you took matter into your own hands. You had taken off and left the gloomy Kakashi on his own while scanning with expert-eyes through the racks and piles of clothing. A couple of jeans here, some shirts and pullovers with a V-neck there, topped with some hoodies and a leather jacket.

To say Kakashi was delighted when you returned, arms full of clothing, would be an understatement. He had beamed at you, the beauty spot underneath his mouth an endearing mark of black on his pale skin, only to haul the pile out of your arms and gift you with a very short and secretive nuzzle of his nose against your temple, before weaseling into the changing room to escape the well-meant suggestions of the middle-aged ladies which had gathered around him.

When he stepped out with that particular pair of jeans clinging to his long legs almost like a second skin, you had tried to restrain yourself from gushing like his unwanted fans. But when he turned around and the butt, stretching out the seams of the pants, greeted you and the rest of the female crowd, you couldn’t help yourself but to whistle impressed.

 

Apparently, it had been the same pair of jeans the girls at the college gushed over. You had no idea if you should be proud your choice of clothing made Kakashi even more stand out or if you should feel disgruntled because _it made Kakashi even more stand out._

In the end, you settled for a short “Good for you.” Maybe not the best choice, maybe not the best answer. Maybe, maybe not. It was the best you had at the moment and it seemed enough for Kakashi, who nudged you into your side with his sharp elbow.

“Hey, I’m thankful.” Kakashi said and nudged you again. “If not for your services, I would’ve to go around in my birth suit.”

“Maybe Professor Senju would let you pass the biology course then.”

“Aaah, don’t remind me.” You could feel the whine vibrating through his chest. “I still have to read through two books for her. I swear, she’s mocking me at this point.”

Your eyes fell closed again and without much thinking, you snuggled once more into Kakashi’s shoulder. His arm around your waist tightened, the tips of his fingers dipping into your skin. “If you get to know her, she’s actually quite nice. Shizune and I stayed behind once to clean up her laboratories and she thanked us with a bottle of expensive scotch. Each, I should mention.”

“You’re just a teacher’s pet, (Y/N).”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I’m not!”

“You totally are.”

In the background, the Hulk smashed down the big Alien-whale flying through the air. Really? Did you spend so much time on cuddling, asking yourself if the action was permitted and meaningless, funny banter?

 

It was natural. So natural to tease Kakashi, to have so much contact with him, to hug and feel the tiny motions of his muscles when he shifted on his spot and his arm squeezing oh so sweetly your waist. On your face spread a small, happy grin, before you used the opportunity presented to you and pressed your nose back into the crease of Kakashi’s shoulder. The man didn’t shy back one bit. Instead, it almost seemed like he shuffled a bit in his spot to grant you the best and most comfortable angle to cuddle with him without being suffocated.

With every second and every cute action, no matter how insignificant, your pitiful hope grew. It was almost ridiculous, how quickly you overthrew the boundaries and rules you placed on yourself for a little bit of body contact and the light, nearly date-like atmosphere.

You didn’t open your eyes until the first notes of the Avengers-theme played. The credits rolled over the screen and Kakashi, being the little dipshit he was, removed his arm from your waist, only to poke your side again. “Hey. _Heeeey_. No sleeping allowed here.”

“’m not sleeping.” you mumbled, only to yawn widely in the next second.

“Doesn’t look like that to me.”

“Oh, shut up. You’re just a meanie.”

A little, warm chuckle echoed in your ears and the warmth in your stomach unfurled. Oh no, you were so royally done. You would never recover from this evening, one way or another. With that little, quiet chuckle, your friend now officially pushed you down the cliff of admitting your feelings for him.

In a true “This is Sparta”-style.

“Can you continue?” Kakashi asked instead of teasing you further and you were incredibly glad for that. “We can stop if you want.”

You weren’t ready. You weren’t ready to leave Kakashi’s heat behind, pretending like this cuddling on the couch didn’t happen at all. So, even though your eyes were slightly burning and the urge to yawn was again edging at your teeth, you shook your head, only to moan in protest when your friend wiggled out of your grip.

 

Kakashi laughed when he saw your pout, eyes curled into the adorable half moons you loved so much. “I just put in the next movie, silly.”

And indeed, after he placed the disc in the console, the silver haired man crawled right back into his place, even waiting for you to make space to slide exactly into the very position he just left. Your chin pressed against his shoulder, forehead leaning into the curve of the same, one arm slung around your waist and your front flushed to his flank. Like a kitten, you arched into Kakashi and were far too weak to resist the siren call which was the warmth of your friend and crush.

Only when the _Halloween_ -theme started, you managed to rip your eyes open. “Not Captain America?”

The arm around your waist tightened. “Nope. I mean, Cap is great and all that, but sometimes it’s just time for a guy with a creepy white face mask and teenagers being killed one by one.”

You looked for a few more seconds up to him, until you were pretty sure that the weak shade of red creeping over his neck and the bridge of his nose could be counted as a little streak of embarrassment.

“Thank you,” you whispered and nosed his shoulder, “You’re amazing.”

The compliment just slipped from your mouth. You never intended to spill it, never wanted to let him know how much such small gestures meant to your little, weak heart. But seeing Kakashi’s blush spreading further, up to his forehead and the insecure, almost _shy_ glance he gave you, before going quickly back to stare at the screen, where the small Michael Myers was about to kill his sister, made your heart pound loudly in your chest.

 _Maybe_ , you told yourself and smiled. _Maybe._

The movie started slowly, the escape of Myers more of a small entrance than anything else. Still, your eyes followed the figures on screen closely. In the darkness of the room and with the atmosphere of the horror setting, it would be a true crime not to use the situation to your advantage. Innocently and so slow Kakashi hopefully didn’t notice, you snaked your arm over his stomach. Your fingertips gently slid over the soft fabric of his shirt, feeling the muscles twitch and you knew your friend had noticed right then and there. A blush sprung to your face, but you were determined. Inch for inch, your fingers crawled further, only to came to a rest at the opposite side of Kakashi’s body. One last time, you adjusted your weak grip into his shirt, before you huffed and sunk again fully into him.

“What’s that supposed to be?”

Hoarse, rough and weak. An incredible combination and teamed up with Kakashi’s smooth voice? A killer combo, which allowed the blush on your face to bloom into full force.

 

“Am I not allowed to hug you?” you asked.

Kakashi shrugged. “You are,” he answered, “I’m just wondering.”

“Wondering about what?”

But the man didn’t speak anymore. He just kept on watching _Halloween_ and grimaced when Michael Myers with his mask on creeped for the first time up on Laurie Strode.

Did he solve the puzzle already? Did he already figure your feelings for him out? Did he?

 _No_ , you said to yourself, _he didn’t. At least, I don’t think so._

After that, you forgot about the questions swirling through your mind. Even though you watched _Halloween_ not for the first time, you were once more captured by the way how such an old movie managed to play with your nerves and make you snuggle closer and closer to Kakashi. Every time Myers just stood somewhere and stared at the main character, only to vanish into thin air, you used the opportunity and hid your face in his shoulder. Every time, Kakashi would answer with a little tightening of his arm around you, like he wanted to say: It’s alright. I’m here.

_Safe. Warm. Secure. Kakashi._

“Did you already watch it?” he asked, right when Myers killed the very first babysitter. “You don’t seem too surprised to see him pop out…”

“Yup. I was scared shitless the first time though. I screeched when he just started to choke the poor girl.”

Kakashi chuckled, all the while his hand on your side started to move slightly. Small, tiny circles, drawing them into your flank while his eyes only flittered to your face, before they went back to the screen. “And here I thought you just had nerves of steel. Cheater.”

This time, it was your turn to snicker quietly into his shirt. “With your brain? I have to cheat to keep up with you.”

“You’re just as intelligent as me.”

“Book-smart. It’s a little bit different than your natural genius.”

His arms tightened once more and the angry growl in his voice shocked you a bit, therefore, stiffened until the hand at your side picked up again the soothing habit of drawing circles into your skin. “Bullshit. You’re just as clever as me. Maybe not in the physics-apartment, but you know definitely more about how the world works.”

 

There. Another compliment, just as unsuspected and out of the blue like the other ones today. You felt the blush, but also a little, triumphant grin rising on your face, before you sighed and looked at the screen.

Only to blush a bit more. Yep, you totally forgot about that little make-out scene in the movie. Boy and a girl, obviously naked underneath the covers, moaning and sighing each other’s names. You could feel Kakashi shifting slightly underneath and beside you, his hips moving over the rough cushions and his arm around your waist slightly trembling. The grip of his fingers at your hip dug a little bit harder into your skin, before they completely let go, like he just burned his fingers.

Still, his arm stayed where it was and most important, Kakashi stayed where he was. Cuddled up right by your side, even though your face seemed to burn with every minute the little after-sex banter between the two teenies on screen went on.

“You know,” the man suddenly said, “I don’t understand one thing.”

“What?”

His hand was back on your ribs, the thumb stroking over the last bow of the bone underneath skin and the cloth of your shirt. “Why the fuck do they have a burning pumpkin lantern on their nightstand? I mean, who wants to wake up to that?”

You just had to break into a short laugh, even though the male part of the couple got currently brutally murdered. “I knew it! It’s not only me who thinks that is like the strangest thing in the whole movie!”

“It must smell like a Starbucks at Halloween in there. Or even worse, burnt pumpkin.” Kakashi’s nose scrunched up in the most adorable way you could ever imagine. “I hate burnt pumpkin.”

Before you could look away, Kakashi glanced over. And the moment seemed to stretch to an hour. His eyes and yours met. _Black diamonds_ , you thought absentmindedly, _black diamonds in a sea of pale skin._ Your throat was dry, your lips too. Unconsciously, you licked them and his gaze fell upon your mouth, only to switch quickly up again. Eyes locking, you could feel your heart thundering in your ears, pulse accelerating when Kakashi seemed to lean the tiniest bit in, eyes again flickering back down to your mouth.

 

Needless to say, you also leaned in, just as careful and just as eager as he seemed to be. Your heartbeat rolled around in your chest, your pulse was by now skyrocketing and everything you could think of was _I hope he doesn’t mind my dry lips too much. I should’ve really put some chapstick on._

His breath fanned in quick waves over your face, his scent enveloped you in a warming, soft coat of security. Another inch, another look up into his eyes and you saw the same insecurity, the same slight panic, the same hope shining out of the black…

A scream echoed through the silence. Quickly, you whipped your head around, only to see Laurie _fucking_ Strode finding her _fucking_ dead friends in the _goddamn fucking_ lockers. Kakashi’s hands tensed out of instinct around your waist, digging deeper into your skin, before slowly easing the strength into a feather-light touch. Your heart was still heavily pounding and your you felt like you just ran a for a mile or so.

Was that…? Just a moment? A romantic moment between Kakashi and you? When you turned around again, eyes wide and chest heaving, your friend stared just as bewildered back, even though there was a little twinkle in his black eyes which told about the mischievous clown Kakashi was on the inside.

_Fuck the moment. YOU NEARLY KISSED, YOU IDIOT!_

Unconsciously, your hand flew up and fingertips glazed over the sensitive flesh. Kakashi watched, his hawk eyes slightly squinted and a hard tug around his mouth you couldn’t really decipher. What was he thinking?

In the background, the _Halloween_ -theme rose to a crescendo, accentuating the chase of Myers after Laurie. Meanwhile, you tried to find the words, the _right_ words to make your friend understand what just happened and how it happened in the first place. “L-listen, I… I… uhm. Kakashi, the th-thing is-!”

Suddenly, there was his hand, stroking over your flank and ruffling the fabric of your shirt. His other hand, however, went up and stroked a few strands out of your face, gently guiding them back behind your ear and securing them.

 

“I understand.” he said. “You’re tired and a bit drunk. It is alright.”

“No, you-!”

“It is alright,” Kakashi insisted and stroked once more over your temple, wiping nothing but a frustrated aura away. “I get it. Come on, let’s finish the movie first.”

 _First_.

The single word echoed in your mind. _First_. And how Kakashi accentuated every single syllable like he didn’t want to watch another movie after that one, like he had something more important in his mind than the proclaimed cinematic masterpiece called _Captain America: The Winter Soldier_ , that made you quietly sit back into your original space and continue watching _Halloween_ , not one bit seeing the dramatic end fight of Laurie against Michael.

No, instead, you slipped more than once a quick glance at Kakashi. Every time you looked over, your eyes would meet his and a knowing, smug grin spread on his face, the beauty mark lifting and your mood would lift alongside it.

Yeah. Apparently, there really was something more important after the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proofread by the one and only Chisie. I can't repeat myself often enough, you're AWESOME.


	3. The first light of dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the truth comes to light. The movie night ends, but Kakashi and you have something to clear up, but your friend doesn't want to make it easy for both of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haaaaah... Something cute and easy in between. I'm quite proud how it turned out, with the overall cuteness and stuff. ^^ Again, massive kudos to Chisie, who proofread this while working on her own stuff. You're the true hero! <3
> 
> I hope all of you who read this took some fun and happiness out of this story, that's after all my goal with every single of my fics. Thank you very much for dropping in, maybe giving it a try, and to all of you, have a nice day! :D

To say the air was filled with electricity would be an understatement of gigantic proportions. You could feel the goosebumps crawling up and down your arms while you eagerly waited for the end screen to appear. Meanwhile, you also snuck in some brief glances at Kakashi, who seemed unfazed by the whole situation. Only the fingers which drummed against your ribs in an impatient rhythm and the muscles twitching underneath your palm betrayed how much he wanted to skip the last, dramatic revelation.

 _Finally_ , Dr. Loomis shot Michael Myers. _Finally_ , the big guy in the overall tumbled through the upper level of the house, only to fall down and stay motionless. _Finally,_ goddamn _finally_ , the end screen started to roll, together with the creepy, simple _Halloween_ -theme.

You thought he was just as eager as you were for whatever was bound to happen. For a short moment, you thought Kakashi would drag you into his lap and start the hottest and most sexually loaded making-out session you ever were part of. Your hands were already fiddling with the edges of Kakashi’s shirt, the tips sliding the tiniest bit underneath and touching delicious, warm skin.

No explanation, no words. From your point, everything was perfectly clear. Kakashi wanted you and damn, you would take the chance. Take it and never let go. But the man himself stopped your advances with a little, embarrassed chuckle.

“Aren’t you tired? I certainly am.” he said. His fingers closed around your wrists and tugged your hands out of his shirt. “And I have to shower.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I procrastinated too much before we started. Forgot about it.” Gently, but with a determined twitch around his beauty mark, the man pushed you off of him. And still, his thumbs were stroking gently over the bare skin of your arms as he looked at you, his black, deep eyes full of warmth and light. “You nearly slept on me. We can continue the movie night maybe tomorrow?”

 

_Oh. I totally misinterpreted…_

Dim understanding dawned upon your mind. Of course, Kakashi wasn’t into you. How silly of you to think that. All these things he did were just the actions of a caring and touchy-feely friend who wanted to help you in your dizzy stupor of having drunk a little bit too much than necessary.

Embarrassed to the very core, embarrassed because you were so painfully _stupid_ , embarrassed because you wanted too much and nearly managed to break the most important bond you had and Kakashi was the only one of you two who didn’t have his head in the weeds, you loosened your grip a bit too hasty. Swaying, fingers trembling and with a dry throat, you sat straight up and shuffled back into the corner of the wide couch, until you couldn’t feel the addicting warmth anymore. Until you felt useless and unwanted, just like before.

But before, there hadn’t be any hope. Before, you learned to live in this state. Now, in the several, miserable seconds between Kakashi’s gentle rejection and the capitulation to his words, you experienced it all over again. All the feelings coming alongside the knowledge he would never be in love with you reappeared, made you cringe in yourself and grimace due to your absolute stupidity.

You were too focused on your misery than to notice how Kakashi stood up and stretched. But you indeed noticed when his hands came to a rest at your cheeks, warm and strong fingers stroking over the cheekbone underneath your flushed skin.

“Don’t make that kind of face,” he said when your eyes jerked upwards and smiled his infamous, turning-knees-into-jelly-half moon smile, “You look better when you’re happy. I like it when you’re happy.”

For more, long seconds, Kakashi’s hand stayed where it was. With each heavy breath of yours, the fingertips moved over your cheek. Further down to your jaw, inching so close to the small patch of skin right beside the corner of your mouth that Kakashi _almost_ touched your lips, which trembled and tingled in the incredible tension inside the room. His eyes were locked with yours, the tiny creases around them more endearing than anything else and sending your heart into a confusing swirl up on cloud…

Again, up on cloud nine.

 

His index and middle finger paused on your chin, a soft, feather-like touch and nothing more than a little bit inappropriate gesture between friends with the promise of _so much more_. Your breath hitched and unconsciously, you lodged your front teeth into your bottom lip, all the while still staring up at Kakashi, who swallowed so loud that even you could hear it. The smile had vanished, replaced by an intense focus on your lips again.

Kakashi’s fingers shook the slightest bit when he retreated, careful and deliberate like he wanted to prove a point. “I’m in the bathroom. Ten minutes. Give me ten.”

A short grin flashed over your face. “I’ll do you one better. Twenty minutes. To get clean.”

“Ten.”

“You sure?”

“Believe me.” Kakashi stepped backwards, his eyes still entwined with yours. “I don’t take that much time with unimportant things. Ten minutes. Wait for me.”

It sounded more like a plead than a simple statement. You found yourself nodding along, blinking in shock and chest heaving when Kakashi amped his intensity up, walking backwards and never leaving you out of his sights. Only when he rounded the corner into the hallway where the doors to the bathroom and bedroom were, you breathed out, too tense to do more than stare blankly at the exact point where Kakashi left your view.

_What is this? What is he doing? What is… He is the responsible one here!_

The door to the bathroom nearly boomed in the silence as it fell close. You awoke out of your daze and when you moved upwards, joints cracking loudly in the sudden silence, the whole evening went past your inner eye, all the while you tried to make a sense out of the strange tension between Kakashi and yourself. His advancements, the grumpy mood after the pizza guy made a comment on you, the cuddling and the soft strokes over your flank, the almost-kiss (you squealed a little, only the tiniest little bit), the touches at your forehead and cheek, the words he dropped so carefully and dropped like little gifts all over your conversation.

 

Every other girl would’ve been already wrapped around his little finger, swooning and sighing, ready to drop her clothing at a little suggestion of the man. You, in hindsight, were insecure where this movie night would lead. Kakashi was still your friend. Still your friend and still as usual a total enigma when it came to his true feelings. Sure, he was affectionate and touchy-feely and everything one would suspect of a man in love. Even beyond that, he showed far more than the typical signs than he would do with his girlfriends.

But… The years of hopelessness and unrequited love gnawed at your insides. It hurt to think about them and it hurt more than anything to think about the very possible chance of Kakashi only wanting or needing a bit of… _a special kind_ of relief. A relief his short-lived girlfriends were usually there for. An itch, if one wanted to think about it that way, Kakashi had to scratch and with his little genius brain, he decided you would be the perfect scratcher for his problem.

The shower started to run. Immediately, your head jerked upwards and you stared at the hallway to the bath- and bedroom like a rabbit stared at a hungry snake right in front of its cute, nervously twitching nose.

Even though you tried to chase these forbidden thoughts away, the pictures of Kakashi rose automatically. How the water rained down on him, eyes closed and head thrown back, the neck bared and arms hanging by his side. How his silver hair was giving in to the added weight, how the muscles in his back would flex ever so slightly when shifting on his feet, how…

_Begone, dangerous thoughts. The power of Christ compels you._

Maybe it would be better to clean up a bit. Like a robot, you stood up and grabbed the different things scattered around the living room, the pizza boxes, the several bottles, the remotes and the DVDs. Listening to Kakashi shower all the while cleaning up almost managed to drag you away from the roundabout of shameful, guilt-ridden thoughts.

 

The simple actions though managed to calm the circling down, at least to a bearable level. Sometimes, doing the strangest things helped you to get a clear view on the things. This time, the cleaning up did the trick and at the end, with the pizza boxes shoved into the trash and the glass bottles neatly arranged into a line beside the fridge, you nodded proudly, before grabbing the nest of blankets and pillows which had been shoved aside in the strange predicament you found yourself in.

They smelled just like Kakashi. A little bit of spice, a little bit of dog like he didn’t leave the pack of his father behind and a little bit of the somehow musky deodorant he always used. A strange combination and yet, you couldn’t help yourself but to bury your nose deeply in the cushions when you carried them through the hallway and take a deep, _deep_ breath in.

Who knew when you would have another chance to do so?

In the moment you brushed past the closed bathroom door, your arms full and your nose buried in the soft, amazing smelling cushions, the soft melody of a song hovered in the air. Apparently, Kakashi had taken at least ten seconds from his ten minutes to grab his cellphone. And you knew that song, after all, the radio stations and especially the local, students-covered one played that song up and down and the meaning behind the lyrics rung in your ears, so heavily in fact, that you stopped in the middle of the way, blood rushing in your ears and knees strangely weak.

_“I often tell myself that we could be more than just friends_

_I know you think that if we move too soon it would all end_

_I live in misery when you're not around…”_

To say your soul left your body only to descend up into heaven, stars in the eyes and not able to breathe properly, would be an _over_ statement. But definitely, your breath hitched and your eyes grew wide, while your lips parted and tried to form a single, coherent word.

 

There, another hint, another clue to the mystery of Kakashi’s behavior tonight. _“More than friends”._ Only when he would’ve painted a sign in bright neon colors and screamed at you, clothed in a tutu and dancing, the man would’ve made his intentions clearer.

With a little smile painted on your features, you finished your walk towards Kakashi’s bedroom and opened the door with the crease of your elbow. You stepped inside and your eyes slid over the familiar interior, now seeing everything in a new light.

First, the pictures on the small desk crammed into one corner. A dangerously-unstable looking chair was covered by worn clothes, but your vision only slid for a mere second over that bizarre picture, before you stared at framed pictures like a cat stared at cat-nip.

Three in total. One with his father and mother in the center, surrounded by their huge pack of dogs and a happy, six-year old Kakashi in the middle. At that time, he had apparently a weird little tic of wearing a mask over his mouth and nose all the time, what didn’t lessen the total cuteness of the whole image one bit. You chuckled as you dropped the blanket and pillows on the otherwise empty bed, before stepping closer to the desk and studying the pictures further.

The next one was a captured moment with all of your friends out of your high school years, a group picture after a particular happy and nicely spent day out at the lake. It had been summertime, everyone was dressed in light clothes and swimsuits and everyone had a wide smile on their face. Kakashi looked a little bit less bored than he usually looked, eyes closed and curled, all the while one corner of his mouth was pulled upwards in a little, mocking smirk. You were at the opposite end of the picture, grinning widely and holding a dripping ice cream cone to your mouth, hair wild and still a bit wet from an earlier swim.

Your fingertips graced the glass of the frame before you realized it, reminiscing in the warm feelings of back then. Then, like magnets drawn to each other, your fingers wandered further to the last picture.

 

Strangely enough, it was facing the desk. At the same time, it stood in front of the other two, just like Kakashi deliberately placed it there, like it held more importance to him than the others. Carefully, you lifted the picture upwards and placed it face forward.

When your eyes caught sight of the actual image, warm, wild happiness flowed through your insides. With a gasp, your free hand flew upwards, while the other clawed almost into the hard frame of the picture. Of the goddamn picture which showed you in your dress for the prom where Kakashi went with the gossiping bitch. It was one of these photo-stand things, with a terrible background and stupid decoration littering around the place to make it more “artistic” or whatever the photographers wanted to achieve with that. Originally, you didn’t even want one photo. You had sulked and watched out of the corners of your eyes how the bitch giggled and had clawed into Kakashi’s elbow, all the while Obito had complained about his itchy tie and suit. Suddenly, the silver-haired boy had loosened the grip of his date and came over, only to persuade you to take a photo with him at the booth. At first, you denied him, only to be overthrown by a very convincing argument and a deliberate, deep, meaningful look Kakashi had given you.

_“I want to take a photo with you.”_

And that exact photo stood now on his desk, you in your prom dress, smiling shyly and without the fitting wrist flowers to Kakashi’s immaculate fly and suit, his arm slung around your shoulders and smiling just as well.

Intrigued, you leaned in. Wait, was that a blush on his face? Just a slight sheen of red over the bridge of his nose? How dare he looked so cute, adorable and cool all the same, with his disheveled hair and the well-fitted suit, the spit-shining shoes and the red fly hanging a tad bit too loose around his neck.

 

“Thanks for cleaning up.”

Too close, too low. With a shriek, you flinched backwards and into a heated-up, lean body, all the while your brain already identified the voice as Kakashi’s. Kakashi, who just came out of the shower. Warm and still a little bit wet, droplets falling from his hair and into your face as you looked up, blinking in shock at the closeness of his gorgeous features.

A short smile flashed over his face. “I want to thank you and you nearly kill me. Alright, I got it. Myers was too much for you, huh?”

“I didn’t hear you at all,” you whispered and continued to stare up to the man, who grinned in badly hidden mischief at your words. “Obviously, I get a bit scared after watching a movie where a deadly silent and mute psychopath runs around with a kitchen knife and kills young people close to graduation and going to university. I’m basically in the demographic of being killed by the boogeyman.”

“Before that happens,” for a very short second which stole your breath away for several minutes, Kakashi buried his nose in the crook of your neck, “I will throw myself in front of you. How does that sound?”

“Quite dangerous,” you answered, “And a bit stupid, if I’m completely honest.”

The words came out with a single, little, breathless moan. One you wanted to desperately bury deep within yourself the exact split second it slipped from your mouth, but Kakashi seemed pleased with himself and your reaction when he loosened the embrace around your body and stepped away.

 

If it was possible, your friend looked even more adorable and gorgeous in his sleeping clothes than in his casual ones. An old, red and a bit too big sweatshirt, the sleeves falling over his wrists and the fabric fluttering around him and looking so comfy you wanted to sink right into his arms again. The sweatpants from before were gone, replaced by thinner cotton-pants in a silvery-grey color, similar to the color of Kakashi’s hair. All in all, Kakashi looked like he could fall into his wide bed instantly and the tufts of his hair being even more crazy than usual didn’t deter that observation.

“Already ready for bed?” you asked. “Should I be concerned?”

“Somebody in here nearly slept on me. So, I figured…”

“I didn’t sleep _on_ you. I napped _beside_ you.”

Kakashi’s lazy grin widened by a margin. “What’s the difference? Your eyes were closed.”

You couldn’t say ‘no’ to that. A shrug and your eyes slid again to his bed, warm and inviting and definitely dangerous turf. “Well, I guess, I will go now…? With you being ready for bed and showered and all of that…”

His hand grabbed your wrist quicker than you could actually close your mouth. “No! I-I mean, don’t go. Please, you’re clearly a bit tipsy and tired. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with you wandering through the darkness alone.”

“Kakashi, my dorm is nearby. Like, only one kilometer.”

“Enough.” His warm eyes darkened. “Sometimes, that’s enough.”

“Seriously, I’m sure having me is an inconvenience for you-!”

He huffed and the way how his grip tightened the tiniest bit, showed his intentions of letting go of you. “You will never be an inconvenience for me. Besides, my evening is free. There will be no secret party after you would leave. It’s only you and me tonight, (Y/N).”

 

_Only you and me._

Somehow, a pleasant ripple of goose bumps wandered over your back at the words. With every sweet moment, with every begging word, with every touch and every little gesture, Kakashi wanted to tell you something and he was close to actually form the explanation with his actual mouth. But not quite yet and the only way to find out what was going on inside his mysterious head was to stay.

Worry was as clear as the darkness outside on Kakashi’s face while he waited for your answer. With every wasted second, he seemed to lose confidence, until he backed away, probably submitting to your stunned silence. “Okay, I get it. It’s alright, I can’t force you to stay, because that would be a crime, huh? Do you need anything on your way back, a flashlight, extra coats or a pullover, maybe?” He raised his hands, a slight tint of red flashing over his whole face. “Sorry for bothering you. Wasn’t my intention, I swear.”

Seeing Kakashi with flapping sleeves and his fingers nervously fiddling with the edges of them was strangely enough balm for your tensed nerves. He _definitely_ had something to hide, something he probably hid for some time now. Just like you hid the whole time something from him.

You wanted to know. Wanted to know if _maybe_ your little secrets aligned, if maybe he had the same words on his mind as you had. So, you reached out. Your colder fingers touched his warm ones, slid into the wide sleeve and entwined.

Kakashi didn’t look at you, but his whole body went rigid when you first touched him. The only thing you could see from your position was his strained neck and the side of his face, the jaw locked in place and only relaxing when your fingers gently slipped into the empty space between his, until the fingertips laid at the back of his hand.

At first, your tongue rebelled, but when Kakashi’s hand twitched, gripping yours tighter, suddenly, you found the control over your own body again.

“I…” you croaked and Kakashi jerked around, his eyes searching yours, “I would like to stay, actually.”

 

He looked terribly young when he fidgeted on his spot, eyes again avoiding yours and his palms sweaty, all the while still not letting go. Like you ever wanted to let him go. But Kakashi was still not convinced, flinching like a deer in the headlights when you stepped closer, terribly scared and terribly insecure by the possible _rejection_ he feared.

_From me._

“I really,” you whispered, “I really, really would like to stay the night, Kakashi. And I want to know what’s going on… here. More specifically, between us.”

The bravest thing you ever said. Your heart pounded in your ears, blood rushing like the mighty waves of the ocean through your veins and in the back of your head, a determined yet weak voice screamed in rage and despair. _Why would you do this? You destroyed everything! You will lose Kakashi definitely now…_

But you didn’t. You didn’t lose Kakashi. Instead, his face lightened up, like the sun dawned on the horizon and the sweet pressure at your hand intensified for a second, only to let completely go. “Okay. Okay, that’s… that’s great.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you…?”

“Yes. But I need some sleeping clothes.”

“Oh.” Immediately, the man blushed, tainting his forehead, cheeks and the tips of his ears into a bright red. “Yeah, I can get you a t-shirt and some shorts. Just… Gimme a second…”

He was so adorable. Fidgeting nervously while going through his wardrobe, mumbling too weak for you to hear. The sleeves of his too wide sweatshirt slipped down and revealed rather muscular forearms and when he retracted his hands from the wooden furniture, they held onto a pair of cotton pants, similar to his own and a t-shirt with the Konoha university logo printed on the chest area.

 

“Thank you.” With a grateful nod, you accepted the clothes. “I’m just going to quickly change. Do you have a spare toothbrush I can use?”

Kakashi mumbled something about a spare one in the cabinets above the sink, what you answered with a bright smile. “Thanks,” you said and waved with the clothes over your shoulder, “I’ll be right back. Can you wait?”

At first, your friend ruffled through his crazy hair. Then, after a few more seconds, Kakashi actually nodded, short, sharp and determined.

Your smile widened. “Great. Be right back.”

It wasn’t the first time sleeping over in Kakashi’s little flat. But usually, you had your own clothes and toilet articles prepared, your own things to be comfortable and at the same time, to separate yourself from him. An armor, or whatever you liked to call it, to protect yourself from Kakashi’s impact on your feelings. But not this time.

The wide, happy smile wouldn’t leave your face when you stepped out of your clothes and into the ones your friend gave you. They were too wide, the pants reaching over your ankles, until you pulled them up to your waist, where you tied the two small strings dangling down together in a neat bow. The shirt was obviously too big, comfy and soft and fluttering around your figure. And it smelled just like Kakashi, you confirmed it when you raised the hems of the neckline to your face and inhaled the special scent of your friend. Cleaning your teeth and getting ready for the night stretched with the tenacity of gum into hours and at the same time, it felt like only seconds went by.

Something would happen tonight. You could feel it. It was dancing through the air, made the corners of your mouth rise and the mood lift into high spirits. Almost lightheaded, you opened the door to Kakashi’s bedroom again, only to find the man already lying underneath the covers. The edges of the blankets were pulled up to his chest, all the while his arms were crossed behind his head as his black eyes were fixated at the ceiling.

 

At the sound of the door being opened, however, Kakashi glanced at you. And the eyes got stuck.

Your pile of clothing hit the ground with a soft ‘thump’. “Going to bed before me? Please, you’re clearly more exhausted than I am, old man.”

Eyes wide as saucers, pupils sliding up and down your figure, Kakashi only stared at you. You rolled your eyes, even though inwardly, you swooned and crooned at the _obvious_ admiration he oozed. “Hey, Kakashi. Can you just quickly give me a hand with the couch? You know how hard it is to unfold that monster.” you asked. No efforts to appear overly girly, the sleeping couch really was hard to unfold. And you still needed some pillows and a blanket-!

“What are you talking about?” Kakashi shook his head, while his hand lifted one edge of the big blanket. “You’re sleeping here. The bed is big enough, you know?”

_…what?_

_What?_

_WHAT?_

This evening was a game of tag. One time, you were it and chased Kakashi around with little, friendly teases. The next, Kakashi would hunt after you, with his eye-smile, the mysterious compliments and the overly touchy-feely attitude. This here, offering you to sleep in his bed, was only the tip of the iceberg.

_But what a tip. What an inviting and highly tempting offer._

“Are you sure?” you asked.

Your friend nodded, apparently pretty proud of his idea.

“No,” you took a step towards him, only to stop once more, “I mean, are you… Are you completely sure? Totally, absolutely, a hundred percent?”

 

Sleeping in one bed would raise the stakes to a new level. Sleeping in one bed was inviting and tempting and all you ever could’ve dreamed of, but also incredibly dangerous. It would mean closeness, warmth and more body contact, with the potential for so much more that your breath hitched in your throat.

Kakashi was watching you intently, how you struggled with a decision you had to make, until his eyebrows drew together and he raised the corner of his blanket once more, all the while scooting slightly over to make some space. “Come on,” he said, “It’s really alright. I won’t bite.”

“Much?” Another step closer to the delicious offer.

“Never.” Kakashi answered with a cheeky grin.

You didn’t need a third invitation. Three more steps and you climbed beside Kakashi into the sheets, scrambling and grinning and feeling the man scoot a bit farther to the side, creating warmed-up space for you and you only. You were lightheaded from all the happiness swirling through your body, so happy in fact, that you turned to your friend and continued to smile widely, before your vision flew up to the still bright light. “Oh. Well, let me just get that.”

“Not needed.” Before you realized what happened, Kakashi threw something and apparently, whatever he threw landed fair and square at the switch of the light. Darkness enveloped you and a breathing, a very alive Kakashi, who seemed to sense the surprise in your brain, radiated smug pride at his perfect and obviously well practiced throw. “It was a little beanbag. Sometimes, I’m just too lazy to stand up again.”

“That’s so you.”

In the darkness, his voice seemed even closer than it probably was. Together with the lowered volume and the knowledge that _you were lying in one bed with Kakashi, oh my fucking god_ , new waves of shivers rained down your back and you couldn’t help yourself but to tremble the tiniest bit in anticipation.

_Something will happen. Something will happen. Something will definitely happen, I can feel it, I can feel it-!_

An arm, draping itself comfortably into the crook of waist and hip. Warmth, enveloping you and making you giddy and calm at the same time. Long legs, pressing against yours and naked feet, prodding your cold toes and playfully wrenching themselves into the tiny spaces in between. And also, a strong, lean body edging over the mattress, closing the cold space between your limbs and finally, flushing itself against your own.

 

“What’s happening here?” you asked. “Some snuggling? Some cuddling?”

His rumbling chuckle at the realization that you repeated his words from a few hours ago was addicting. Due to the darkness, the shared blanket and the breaths fanning over your face which weren’t your own, the intimacy of the situation increased and unconsciously, you mirrored Kakashi. Your own arm sneaked below his, coming to a rest at the man’s hip and stroking with the tips of your fingers over the small patch of skin which was revealed by the sweatshirt. A little bit rough, a little bit soft and muscles twitching underneath the touch as you continued to draw small circles and other shapes.

A tremor run through Kakashi and a low sigh, full of content and relief rung in your ears. “Feels… nice.” he admitted after some more, long minutes.

You nodded, your hair shuffling over the pillow. “It does.”

“Hm.” Another tug even closer and you could feel the tip of a nose nudging your forehead, what caused your heart to accelerate into new heights.

“Kakashi?” you whispered.

“Yes?”

“What…? What are we?”

“Friends.”

“Only that?”

“… Best friends.”

“Nothing else?”

Silence. But Kakashi couldn’t hide in the darkness. He was too close, too close not to believe that you could hear his heart speeding up as well, all the while his breath quickened by a margin and the deep gulp of air and spit echoing in the tense silence.

“Nothing else?” you tried again, voice close to breaking, “Nothing… Nothing more than that?”

 

“There is. Something…” Another heave, another gulp. “Something more.”

“Why are we scared then? Why are we… so cowardish?”

“That’s not a word.”

“And that is not the point.”

“Right.”

Your lips were dry. Your throat was tight, chest restricted by the unknown, sudden, unclear fear. But there was no reason to be scared any longer, after all, Kakashi was here, clearly also fearing something he would favor keeping hidden than spilling it to you. One of you had to take the first step and it was highly unlikely Kakashi would be the one.

One breath in, one breath out to loosen your throat. A lick over your unbearable dry lips and another deep breath, then your mouth parted. “The point is about the hug in the kitchen. About the cuddling on the couch. About… About the comments, about the compliments, about the hints and clues and all that stuff that went on tonight. We both know… That we’re more for each other than best friends. We both know it. So, what are we going to do about-?”

In the middle of the most important question you would ever ask, you were interrupted. Chapped lips laid softly on your own, closing and sealing the question with an unspoken answer. The words were forgotten as you closed your eyes, heat swirling through your veins and making you lightheaded. Kakashi’s nose bumped into yours and you giggled, pressing closer to the man and opening your lips. A low chuckle vibrated through both of you, hands roaming innocently over your backs and ruffling the thin sleeping clothing, revealing more, bare skin.

Like a cat, you arched into Kakashi’s hands, the kiss still soft and sweet. A promise for more in the future, for many, many more than you could count. His hands were just a sweet, never straying from an innocent path, drawing like before lines and shapes on the crook of your waist and the start of your lower back. One last flick of his tongue over your lips, then he retreated, breath quickened and face heated.

 

His taste was still fresh and the smile on your face wouldn’t leave, no matter what you did. Like a hummingbird, your heart beat in your chest, thrumming and thriving in the unbelievable happenings. You were in Kakashi’s bed. You cuddled with him. You just kissed him _, he had feelings for you, what would you do now, what is going to happen-?_

“Sorry,” Kakashi whispered, his nose bumping again into your forehead, “I just had to. I have… I don’t…”

Nervous. He was utterly nervous, and the fact alone that you finally managed to somehow see and hear the man in a nervous state was already breathtakingly great. The smile wouldn’t diminish at all, only grew when you heard Kakashi searching for words, scrambling them together and still so utterly, adorably nervous that you wanted to kiss him again, until he would regain his usual confident aura. “I’m just… So lost. Lost in this feeling. I-I never felt this intense what it means to… I want all of your attention and I want all of your smiles and it’s incredibly selfish. I’m happy when you’re happy, even though someone else makes you smile. And… and I can’t pretend to feel like that for the other girls, when you are the one who understands and cares for me.”

Kakashi breathed in, only to ramble on, while you listened, still smiling and already dawning upon you what he wanted to say. “They always said it first, you know? And I felt so bad I couldn’t say it back. I couldn’t look them in the eyes anymore, not when they… when they expected the same words from me. And it would’ve been a lie and I couldn’t stand that. But with you,” fingers stroked through your hair, trembling and voice nearly breaking, “I actually… I want to say it first. I _need_ to say it first.”

His palm came to a stop at your cheek. You could hear the shuffle of blankets and feel the movements, before Kakashi pressed your and his forehead together, his voice by now barely above a whisper, warm and insecure and so damn cute you wanted to desperately close the distance again. “You’re my best friend. You know me inside and out, I know you maybe just as much. I was… Was wrong in hesitating and struggling when you clearly… It’s so dumb to be still scared when you obviously…”

 

“Ssssh.” A quick peck to his lips. “I’m listening. And I know you and I know what you’re going to say. I was scared too. But not anymore. Not any longer. Go on. I’m here and I will still be here after that.”

Kakashi breathed again in, steeling himself. “Will you stay?” he asked after a few more seconds of silence, only interrupted by your shared breaths and the thrumming of your hearts.

You nodded, foreheads pressed against each other and fingers eagerly stroking over his features. “Yes. As long as you want to have me.”

“Good. That’s… _good_.” With a quick nod, Kakashi seemed to stabilize. “I’m… I’m really… Really in… in l-love with you. I’m _in love_ with you, (Y/N).” he repeated.

Biting your lip, you nodded. Nodded again, only to snort when happy tears burned in your closed eyes. “I’m also in love with you, Kakashi.”

“I love you.”

“Yes. I love you too.”

A short kiss, followed by another, longer one. Humming lowly, you embraced Kakashi, your friend and crush, who shared your feelings. Happiness spiraled in your brain, making you smile into the kiss, while your hands ran over his face down to his neck, stroking and touching and making sure that this dream-like situation was indeed real. Warmth filled your limbs, from the tip of your ears to the very ends of your toes, tingles spreading through your stomach and hands becoming more urgent. They slipped underneath the soft sweatshirt, feeling the stomach muscles tense whenever you slightly brushed over the planes and ridges of his fit body.

Kakashi froze. With a low groan, he retreated, his breathing rhythm distorted and groaning again when you whined at the loss. “(Y/N), please.” A husky laugh. “Not yet. I don’t want to destroy this by moving too fast. I want you, don’t worry about that, but…”

 

“Not yet,” you mused. A last, absentminded caress of Kakashi’s chest and stomach, then you retreated, only to curl yourself up and move closer to the man. “I think so too. Just wanted to reassure you.”

“About what?”

“That I like your abs even more than the ones of Captain America.”

For a second, silence reigned the room. A playful, appreciating silence, content with the atmosphere and content with being close and entangled. As close as possible, despite the decision to take everything slow and grow more into the new stage you two reached.

Then, Kakashi snorted, before closing the embrace around your body and ignoring the happy squeal you let out. “Didn’t need any reassurance. Seeing you stare at me before was enough of reassurance for my fragile, male ego.”

“Well,” you closed your eyes, “Take it as an extra token of my appreciation.”

“Oh, I will. Don’t you want to go to sleep? You were pretty tired.”

“Mhmm. Maybe?” You nosed his chest, snuggling into Kakashi’s embrace. “It’s just so hard to believe, you know?”

“Oh, believe me. I know.”

The last thing you felt was a sweet, little pressure at the crown of your head. Together with the calming breathing rhythm of the man lying right beside you, not leaving and loving you like you loved him, it was enough to lull you into sleep, embracing Kakashi and being embraced by him, the legs entangled and hands feeling the calm movements of the breath of the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are welcome and if you want to talk to me more or just know what other projects I have going on, then you can drop by on my tumblr: [historicfailure](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/historicfailure)

**Author's Note:**

> Proofread by the awesome, wonderful Chisie. Thank you so much and all the love to you! <3


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